I love new things.
I like new in general, which probably fits with my personality fairly well as I love spontaneity. I love the idea of just leaving the house and finding something to do last minute. I love driving down a road I’ve never been before, as there is a clear sense of adventure and mystery involved so often in pursuing something new.
One of the newest things in my life is my 4 month old son. Through his eyes everything is new, which is such a fresh perspective. I love watching the way he watches his mom or I and his big brother as he soaks in everything. He is constantly learning and changing, adapting to new things like…”hey, what are these things moving in front of my face with five digits each…they sure taste good, if I could only get them to stay in my mouth.” It seems like every second I turn around to look at him, he’s grown. Growth is a sign of life, they say, so this is a good thing…right? Children rarely resist change, but at some point comfort sets in and we don’t want certain things to change. Even someone like me, who loves change, can freak out a little if you start talking about certain things, or a lot of things, changing in my life. I’ve got a few “no touchy” areas that I’d rather no-one, including Jesus, change. I know it’s not really good, and slowly but surely I will allow Him entrance to those areas of my life, allow him to change and move as He will through my life…His life.
In all honesty though I’m tired, I’m tired of all the change. I know what He is doing is good but I want something to stand on and say…this is how things are. I feel like I’m grasping at straws to get some amount of solidity in my life, often it makes me want to yell colorful metaphors. It’s just about then that Jesus speaks up quietly (sometimes loudly), “I am the only foundation you need”. I’ve realized out among so much change it’s survival of the fittest. Some people might white-knuckle it and bare their teeth to get through all this change. Some people try to lean into their families or friends, only their families and friends were never designed to hold that weight, I believe Jesus to be the only one with a back to handle it.
So what the crap am I to do? I’m slowly (extremely slowly) learning to become the “fittest” through leaning into Him for solidity when everything else in life feels like it’s up in the air. Everything is a bit of an exaggeration, I know my wife, family, and friends love me, and that is true, I’m just describing how it “feels”. I desperately need Him, but a lot of that is just head knowledge that hasn’t quite reached my heart…yet. I need Him. I don’t want to just survive this season of change, I do however want to be “fit”. I’m eager to become closer to Him in this season instead of letting fear of the unknown drive me to myself.
It’s no wonder Jesus entrusted me with two amazing sons. I’m sure there are plenty of other reasons, but I believe one of the reasons is to provide an example of joy in the face of constant change. I want to be that way, joyful in the face of all this change…I guess maybe I should take to heart the scripture that says “The joy of the Lord is my strength”. It sounds a little like:
His joy = me being fit.
Now it sounds like a cheesy christian workout…