My Life as a Red Herring (Day 21) Intrinsic

What things can get you out of your seat fast? I’m not necessarily talking about the run to the bathroom because you decided it was a good idea to try out those death-by-sauce wings the other night, or even that spider that decides to charge you while you are sitting comfortably in your living room, I’m talking about that thing that gets you so excited you can’t stop thinking about it as you go to bed and it may still be on your mind as you wake up.

For me one of them is my family. Any time I’ve been away from them for a couple of days or more it’s almost painful how badly I need to see them. I can imagine wrapping my arms around each of my boys and my wife, and kissing my boy’s cheeks…there are other things I imagine with my wife…cause we are happily married…if you know what I mean.

Another thing I go to bed thinking about are adventures. I love being outdoors, trying new things, going on road-trips. Anything out of the ordinary and especially anything that draws me into the beauty of God’s creation. I love hopping on my motorcycle and just riding. No specific destination, just looking for that corner I can lean into, or that straight road I can listen to the engine at 13,000 rpm. My own personal indy car. Come to think of it, if you haven’t figured it out yet I love anything that can speed down the road at “possibly” reckless speeds.

These are all loves/passions that were placed in me, by God, at some time or another. Some of them from birth, others developed because of just being around people and hearing about their passions and desires and wondering if those things might just be my passions as well.

There are days, like today and the many days behind it, where I struggle to feel passion for anything. Part of it is depression and part of it is the soul healing I’ve been in the process of for a while. However I don’t struggle to remember the emotions of my wife walking down the aisle towards me 13 years ago, or the day I heard how much Jesus unconditionally loved me and wanted me for me and to be my leader and forever friend. I don’t struggle to remember the feeling of my heart almost bursting out of my chest when my sons were born and how I had no idea I could feel love like that.

I really wish I could feel passion like that all the time but in this dark night of the soul I have to be content with memories of it with the hope and Truth that I will one day soon experience the same again.